


Miraculous Real Life

by TheDreamingCat42



Series: Miraculous One Shots [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alya Césaire Is The Best, Alya is a rubber, Animal Transformation, Chat Noir Is a Little Shit, F/M, Fainting, Fireworks, Hot Mess Adrien Agreste, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, If Undertale was Realistic, It never happens though :(, LAD, Miraculous Squad!!!, Skinny Dipping, Swimming, That's what I'm calling them now :), Wow thats sad, based on my life, nothing weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-01-04 14:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDreamingCat42/pseuds/TheDreamingCat42
Summary: A load of one shots based of stupid moments in my life just because.Chapter 1: Fireworks and Attractive Noses





	1. Fireworks and Attractive Noses

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely based off something that happened to me while watching fireworks. Try and see if you can guess which one of them was based off me!
> 
> Just a quick note, all of the things said by Marinette and Adrien were actually said in real life all other parts are just out of my half asleep brain. 
> 
> I do not own Miraculous Ladybug

Fireworks night. In theory a great night with fun for all the family. In reality an excuse for a load of people to stand in a field and freeze their butts off while watching some pretty explosives.

And no, Adrien was not being horribly cynical, he just didn't like fireworks. It had nothing to do with fact he had little to no sleep because of his double life, no it didn't, it didn't.... shuddup.

Marinette on the other hand seemed to be enjoying herself a lot and was slowly creeping out of her admittedly small comfort zone and into a more stupid zone where she was practically doomed to say something ridiculous to her crush. Of course, she had no idea she was about to do such a thing and was quite pleased with herself for being around Adrien for more than five seconds and not wanting to hide in hole and cry.

That night it had decided to be particularly windy ('it' in this case being the almighty 42 and not some random creepy clown) this was very unfortunate as it meant all the ash from the fireworks were flying into the crowd. But mainly at Adriens nose. Because why not!?

"Uuurrrrggg! The stupid fireworks keep hitting my nose!" Adrien yelled impatiently (remember fireworks weren't really hitting his face, just dust, do not aim fireworks at people's faces, that would be stupid).

Marinette listened to his sudden outburst and her brain decided that it was the perfect time to say something that would be witty and cool.

"You must have the most attractive nose in the world"

…

"What!?"

***Dedicated to The Humble Baker Boy who told me my nose was the most attractive in the world***


	2. Rubber Glares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette has a rubber called Alya, no one can borrow Alya, then someone does.

Marinette liked her rubber. It had a smiley face drawn in pen on it and she had lovingy named it Alya, it was almost like Alya was always there with her because of it. If Marinette hadn't been good friends with her then it would probably have been stalkerish and weird, but they were friends so it's fiiiiine.

Only close friends ever used Alya ever since Marinette found someone trying to draw a dick on her rubbery friends face.

That was probably for the best anyway, when you named a rubber after your friend things were bound to get strange. An example of this is the time when Marinette had yelled in front of the whole class "Nino stop sitting on Alya!", but that's a whole other story.

This time Marinette was sat in her French class stranded in a sea of strangers and so her only company was Alya the Magical Rubber. 

Half way through the lesson a bright pink object came flying through the air at Marinette and landed admittedly quite gracefully on her French book. Immediately she noticed that this flying pink object was in fact Alya (the rubber not the person) and that meant one thing.

Someone had borrowed Alya.

No, taken Alya.

Without her permission.

How could they!?

Marinette turned and put on her most fierce glare at the person responsible and was met with the smiling but insure face of Adrien Agreste. 

Marinette spent the rest of the lesson staring red faced down at her book, refusing look up in case she made eye contact with Adrien again. Alya would never let her live this down.

***Dedicated to The Pillow Goddess who my rubber is named after***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this happened to me. I have a rubber named after a friend (no I'm not a psychopath) and my crush borrowed it. It's become a running joke now that I can't look at him without accidentally glaring.
> 
> Remember to leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed this and bookmark it so you won't miss anymore stories based off my average but slightly humiliating life :)


	3. Adrien Freaking Agreste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ADRIEN FREAKING AGRESTE!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains some language and 'dirty suggestions', if you are uncomfortable with this you may want to skip but it's pretty mild.

It was lunch time. That fact didn't contribute much except telling us that Marinette and the 'Miraculous Crew' would be eating lunch. Yaaaaaaay, fuunnnnnn.

What she expected was to sit down and eat lunch and chat with her friends for a bit.

What she didn't expect was sitting down only to here Alya proclaim rather loudly "I'm a pussy".

Alya however, was quite loud and... 'eh' so Marinette didn't let it faze her and was about to unpack her lunch when Adrien freaking Agreste leaned over and whispered in her ear "you are what you eat".

**RIP Marinette**

**She Couldn't Handle ADRIEN FREAKING AGRESTE**

* * *

 

Marinette successfully made it to the end of lunch without collapsing onto the floor in a screaming blob and was quite proud of herself. She had made it! Even with the fiasco at the start of lunch! 

In this surge of optimism Marinette let her 'Adrien Defences' down and felt calm, everything was fine. That was until Alya started leading them to lessons telling them loudly to "follow the pussy!"

Adrien swiftly turned to Marinette, gave her his biggest grin possible and winked perfectly. Marinette's last thought was  _Adrien Freaking Agreste!_

"Oh my God! Did she faint!?"

***Dedicated to Shrimp who inspired Alya in this***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Shrimp was Alya in this, then who said Adrien' s lines in real life?
> 
> Answer: Me
> 
> Sorry to The Pillow Goddess who had a fit of laughter that lasted all day when I did.


	4. HOT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette is always the one that is represented with bad social skills but I like to think that Adrien is also a fail. So there you go.

It was boiling. At least Marinette thought it was boiling. In truth it was pretty average weather and she just had a sever temperature. No one actually knew about her ailment and so when she began furiously fanning herself with a homemade paper fan they started to question her sanity.

It soon spread through the school that Marinette Dupain-Cheng had lost her mind, this news was unsurprisingly spread by Chloe so no one really gave it too much credit. Despite the dodgy credibality of the rumour, when someone fans themselves for a couple days straight, it looks weird.

"Marinette stop it" Alya half begged.

"But it's boiling in here!!" came the indignant response.

"No it's not!"

"It is!!!!!"

This argument when on for a while with each come back becoming increasingly more annoying until it peaked the interest of the two boys in front.

"Can you two shut up! We don't care!!" Nino cried, turning in his seat to glare at the two behind him.

Sensing that he should probably say something too, Adrien turned round to the two girls and in all seriousness said "Marinette, why are you so hot?"

_THUMP_

"Dude! Stop making her faint!!"

***Dedicated to all the people who have left kudos, you've really boosted my confidence :) ***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone shouted this across the hall to her sister today and my friend and I started laughing loads. So this happened.
> 
> Remember to comment and leave kudos if you enjoy and if you want to suggest something for me to write please do, all suggestions are welcome.


	5. Swimming!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title makes me think of Jaws, you're amazing if you know why.
> 
> Ok I know I took a while updating because I had been updating every day but I was busy so eh. I hope you enjoy!

"Wow, look at that lovely, blue river!" Alya cried, dramatically gesturing at the sludgy brown mess before them.

The Miraculous Squad all followed her pointed hand to see the  **magnifecent** sight, "It looks like chocolate milk" Marinette commented.

"Nah, more like someone had reeeeaaaally bad diarrhea" Nino corrected  _helpfully(?)._ This was met with a chorus of "eeeeeeeeeeeewwww" and one "Nino no!"

"Did you bring your swimming costume Mari? I bet your just itching to go for a swim!" Alya said jokingly and Marinette merely rolled her eyes in reply.

"Dude," Nino said feigning seriousness " I don't think she has one."

"Well that's a shock!!" Alya cried, her eyes widened dramatically in a somewhat over the top imitation of surprise.

"She could always just skinny dip" Adrien suggested, seeminnly unaware of what he had just said.

.

.

.

"DUDE JUST NO"

"Wait I didn't mean it like tha-!"

"Way to go Marinette!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

***Dedicated to Chrissy! who loves Swimming!***   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of these end with someone saying something and EVERYONE freaking out. Is that a problem? 
> 
> As always, leave comments and kudos because they make my day :). Byeeeee!


	7. Miraculous Miraculous

"ALYA!!!! THE TRAILER IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What Marinette?"

"THE TRAILER!"

"For what?

"AMAZING CATERPILLAR!!"

"Oh... I've gone off that."

....

"WHAT!?!?!?!?"

"Chill Mari"

"HOW COULD YOU!!!! WE MIGHT FINALLY BE GETTING TO SEE IF ALEX AND MONICA GET TOGETHER AND YOU'RE BAILING ON THE SHOW!?!?!"

"Ummm... I think Adrien likes it ask him"  **runs off into distance**

"What do I like?"

**( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

"AMAZING CATERPILLAR!"

"OMG I LOVE THAT SHOW"

" THEY JUST RELEASED THE TRAILER FOR SERIES 2!!!!!!"

"WWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!"

"dfsDFhdfgfgdDGHFTRgdtr"

"DtfrTYRbyuhifyfNIYFUmTUI"

**THE END**

**but seriously guys**

**the new trailer is out**

**MIRACULOUS SERIES 2 IS NEARLY HERE**

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this has no plot  
> 99% of it is speech  
> but its based off my reaction to the trailer so it made it into the fic!!!


	9. Lad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Am I right lad or am I right lad?
> 
> You are right lad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this because I can just imagine these two idiots saying it.

Ladybug sighed happily as she looked across the Paris skyline, they'd just successfully defeated another akuma. Chat Noir stood beside her grinning happily.

"Well my lady that went well" he said his voice filled with pride. She opened her mouth to respond but before she could, Chat cheerfully added "am I right lad or am I right lad?"

"What" she asked, truly believing that he had finally lost it.

"Urrrrggg, you haven't seen it either!" Chat cried as if it was the worst thing in the world.

Ladybug huffed, she didn't like not knowing things, "Haven't seen what?" she asked, with a bit more venom in her voice than she intended.

"If Undertale was Realistic" Chat replied.

"Ok I'll watch it" Ladybug regretted what she said instantly.

"Really?" Chat cried, his face lit up with joy.

She sighed, "sure."

* * *

Marinette loved it. She hated to admit it but it was true. Stupid Chat and his good recommendations.

Quickly, she found that it's more frequently used catchphrases were stuck in her head, just like the one Chat Noir had said. So when she found herself quoting it in class to Alya, it wasn't a surprise.

It wasn't a surprise Alya looked confused.

It wasn't a surprise when the whole class seemed put off by her sudden outburst.

It was a surprise to see Adrien turning around to look at her.

To see his face light up in utter joy

And then to hear him practically yell "You are right lad!"

For once Marinette didn't faint, didn't care what the others thought, she just focused on Adrien's dazzling and genuine smile. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't already guess, the thing I kept referencing in this was the YouTube series 'If Undertale Was Realistic'. If you haven't seen it I definitely recommend checking it out because it is really funny. Am I right lad or am I right lad?
> 
> As always comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed or you want to say anything.


	10. Will you marry me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much the title.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started of with 'will you marry me' and I don't know what happened.

"So class on the topic of marriage..."

 _This is so boring! I was being ladybug all of last night, why can't she just let me sleep!_ Marinette thought angrily; if she had been saying it out loud she would have been yelling.

"Why do we have to learn this!" Alya whisper yelled, she too was exhausted because of the ladyblog.

"I know!", Marinette replied, "All you have to say is  **will you marry me?** "

Alya was about to agree when from in front of them came a sleep deprived  **"yes."**

Marinette screamed.

"...waaaaiiit..."

Marinette went a bright red.

"I didn't... I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY YES I'M SORRY MARINETTE!!!"

But it was too late, Marinette was collapsed on the floor after that surprising revelation caused her brain to short circuit.

"Adrien!", Alya cried, "you killed Marinette!"

Adrien's rather eloquent response to this was to scream, which caused Marinette to wake up and also scream. So they were both screaming very loudly at each other in a room of sleep deprived people with no sign that they would ever stop.

In the future Alya liked to tell this to her children to warn them of the dangers of not sleeping properly. They never missed a night for their entire lives.

THE ENDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

**Dedicated to The Pillow Goddess whos conversation with me was basically Marinette and Adrien's 'conversation' (minus the screaming) in this fic.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Pillow Goddess and me are not engaged by the way, in case you thought so. They recently got in a relationship and I'm a singleton who stays at home writing fanfiction. WOO! As long as someone enjoys it I'm cool with that though.
> 
> If you did enjoy it leave kudos, comment and bookmark it so you can see when new chapters are up. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee


	11. It All Went To Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette tried to make labels and Chat is a pain in the butt
> 
> Or
> 
> An au no one asked for where Chat gets turned into a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I have been MIA for so long but school and work and the holidays got in the way of me having any free time. 
> 
> Still, I hope you guys enjoy this and had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

It was that magical time of year, when Marinette would gather all of her Christmas cards... **and chop them up.**

Now, before you say anything, it wasn’t as vicious as it sounded; it was to make labels. Yes, labels. One of the tamest things in the galaxy, unless you factor in the paper cuts they can give of course.

It was a good way of recycling and was normally quite easy, but this year she had an unexpected guest, Chat Noir. He, as himself, was enough trouble but this year fate decided to give her a punch in the face and turned him into a cat. Well that’s a lie, it was an akuma, ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’, who had turned a large amount of the population of Paris into cats. You would’ve thought that she would like Chat with a name like that but apparently not. 

So here Marinette was trying to make labels with an over excited cat version of Chat Noir. Who ever said her life wasn’t exciting? 

Marinette let out a deep sigh and grabbed the rather sharp scissors that Cat Chat was playing with. “No Chat bad Chat!” she scolded, looking into his wife green eyes. He looked... upset? No he was a cat, he couldn’t do that. Again she looked down at him and as he looked up with with big wide eyes, her heart melted and she resisted the urge to scoop him into a hug.

Maybe he wasn’t so bad? He was just a little kitty, what harm could he do? Marinette considered that it might even be a good thing that he was staying with her, she had never encountered cats that much before so this was like an adventure! A really cute adve- 

Oh, no, wait scrap that. He was eating the labels.

”Chat! No!” Marinette yelled grabbing it from him, it had been one that she had been especially proud of as well. Studying it she saw perfect little punctures from tiny little teeth lining it.

She looked up at him angrily as if expecting an apology but was met with the sight of him munching at another one.

”Chat!!!!”

This, would be a long night.

*Dedicated to my cat who just loves the taste of labels*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really loved writing this and I’m considering making this chapter into a proper fic of its own. If you would like to see that then comment. 
> 
> Thank you for reading if you enjoyed feel free to leave kudos or a comment :)


	12. Chapter 12

Alya was messy, she constantly wrote down notes for her articles in the Ladyblog and managed to get pen on her face while doing so. Therefore Marinette was used to spotting the inky mistakes and rubbing them off before anyone else could notice or comment on them.

To anyone who didn’t know the pair well it looked like a very intimate moment, they were close and gently rubbing one another’s faces. If it didn’t look intimate it looked weird so it was a good thing that neither Marinette or Alya minded about being judged by their peers. Well, Marinette cared a bit but after becoming Ladybug she had started to have more confidence in herself.

After they had known each other for a while, it became an automatic thing for Marinette to get rid of any inky stains; no matter when or where.

Sadly, as you know, Marinette was pretty forgetful and her staying up all night being a vigilante didn’t help matters at all. A lot of the time she just went on autopilot and didn’t really focus on what was going on. 

Today, was one of those times.

She had spent the night listening to constant puns and then got very little sleep. Needless to say her autopilot was on autopilot. 

She walked through the school haphazardly, trying not to bump into people while also trying to stay awake. Sadly she did former, and I bet you can guess who it was! Adrien Agreste, with a rather large ink stain on his cheek.

Silently, she reached up and began rubbing at it trying to get it off, Adrien meanwhile was attempting to engage her in conversation to understand what on Earth was going on. This plan failed miserably. Finally she stopped but didn’t back away at all and just continued to stare up at Mr Perfect’s Face.

”Marine-“ he started but he was cut off by her kiss on his lips. 

His eyes widened dramatically as he attempted to grasp at some sort of reality. HE WAS KISSING MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG!!! However, just as his brain was about to catch up with itself, Marinette slumped forward and promptly fell asleep on his shoulder.

Needless to say, the hall monitor was extremely confused to see the Adrien Agreste, stood in the middle of a deserted hallway with pink lip gloss and pen smeared over his face and a petite girl asleep on his shoulder. 

*dedicated to my friend who insists on using fountain pen that always gets on her face!!!*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, if you did feel free to comment or leave kudos.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	14. Anime Names

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Hey! Hey Marinette!” Alya waved her phone excitedly at her timid friend, attempting to attract her attention, needless to say, it worked.

”What is it Alya?” Marinette sighed turning away from her much deserved lunch to face the other girl.

”I found something,” she paused for dramatic effect, “that translates our names into anime ones!” 

“You sure that works?...” Marinette questioned, raising an eyebrow at her friends delight.

”Who cares!?! I’m Anlaorikian!” she said loudly causing many people to stare at the two friends, this didn’t go unnoticed by Marinette.

”Shh Alya” she begged as her friend hurriedly began scribbling on a piece of paper.

> M a r i n e t t e
> 
> Maru an rai ei noi ku tao tao ku
> 
> Maruanraieinoikutaotaoku

The spectacled girl stared at the paper as if that would change what was on it, “ummm.”

”Why is mine so weird?” Marinette asked, her nose scrunching up in distaste at her ‘name’.

Alya paused long enough for Marinette to think that she had given up on the whole anime name thing, sadly that was not the case at all. “I wonder if Adrien will turn out better” she thought out loud, tapping her chin as if mulling over the most important matter in existence.

”NO!” Marinette cried, standing up and slamming her hands against the table, “DO NOT TOUCH MY SUNSHINE CHILD’S NAME!!!!”

If people weren’t staring before, they were now but Marinette didn’t care, that was until two certain boys came over to them.

”Who is this ‘sunshine child’ Nette?” Nino asked while Adrien looked at Marinette with confusion written on his face.

Now, as you know, there would have been a lot of appropriate responses to this question, so many in fact it would take too long to list them. Marinette decided to choose the one she was best at: screaming bloody murder and running away.

“What’s wrong with her?” Adrien asked, now looking more confused than ever.

Alya turned to him, a smirk painted on her face “Don’t worry Andairaieikunoi, I’m sure Maruanraieinoikutaotaoku is ok.”

As she walked away Nino tried to understand what just happened while Adrien questioned how on Earth she knew his anime name.

*dedicated to all my friends who discovered their anime names today*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, if you did then feel free to leave kudos or comment.
> 
> If you too want to get an anime name then I will comment how to do that. 
> 
> Thanks for reading:)


	15. The Purple Penis Of Plastic Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *contains no real penises*

Life skills, the aptly named class that teached students skills that they would need in life. Another thing it was able to do without any difficulty at all was make everyone present feel extremely uncomfortable when it came to the topic all teenagers had to learn.

Todays class objective was:

**_Learn how to have safe sex_ **

Marinette was internally screaming, this was something that happened regularly to her, but this time she was joined by the majority of the class in wishing they could be somewhere else. The matter wasn’t helped by the fact that Adrien was sat right next to her and that the teacher had just put a plastic, purple penis in front of them.

“Ok class, using the video we all just watched, can you please put the condom on the penis. Remember! Follow all the steps carefully to make sure it’s safe!” the teacher said calmly to the class.

Marinette glanced up at Adrien briefly before opening the packet before her.

Suddenly, Adrien let out a yell of surprise  as Alya prodded him with a plastic, purple penis.

“Alya!” He yelled, well it was more of a screech but Marinette wouldn’t admit that.

”You have been blessed by THE PURPLE PENIS OF PLASTIC POWER!” she cried, waving it around and narrowly missing Nino’s face as he sat awkwardly next to her.

Marinette was about to question her best friend’s sanity when she noticed that goo was dribbling out of the condom packet and onto her hand.

If chaos hadn’t already started before that moment, it definitely did then.

Marinette began to scream and dropped the condom (now out of the packet) onto Alya’s table. It was at this moment Adrien noticed the clear goop and began repeating ew over and over while shaking his hands as if he was the one covered in whatever had leaked out. Alya had since discarded the purple penis and began swinging the condom around instead. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, Nino tried to explain that the goo was lubricant and that it wouldn’t kill Marinette but was interrupted by Alya hitting his face with the condom.

Suddenly, it was all of them that were screaming and not internally.

Marinette screamed out of confusion.

Adrien screamed out of panic.

Nino screamed out of utter disgust.

And Alya, well Alya was just having the time of her life as she waved various inappropriate things around and traumatised her friends for life.

In the corner of the room the teacher wondered why on Earth she ever liked children.

*dedicated to everyone who has had awkward lessons like this*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you might think I exaggerated a bit here, I didn’t. Not at all. It was a strange hour of my life that I randomly remembered this morning and wrote into a fic. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, if you did, feel free to leave kudos or comment :)


End file.
